Musing on the Three Faces of the Goddess and Modern Times

In many traditional pagan practices there are three faces to the goddess, often referred to as The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. In ancient times these would be equated to the three phases of a woman’s life: the purity of youth, the rearing and teaching of next generations, and the wisdom of a long lived life. But how relevant are these roles in modern times?

As the role of women in society has evolved, does it not also seem that the symbols of women should evolve to meet these new needs? Virginity is not necessarily seen as a virtue in the modern age, though the journey from child to woman is still an important transition. So the symbolic maiden still has an important role. The Mother, seen as not only a vessel for life, for creation, but also as the imparter of knowledge, of training for the future is also an important role. But in modern times, not all women go from maiden to mother, either directly or in some cases at all.

Personally I have always felt that there was something missing in the story of transition told by the three faces. Where is the warrior? There have been many legendary female champions throughout history. Where is their part in the story of the Goddess? When I have raised this question in the past I was told that it was part of the face of The Maiden (the virgin warrior a la Joan of Arc) or it was part of the face of The Mother (the mama bear protecting her cubs), but never have I heard of a distinct place for a woman outside of the progenerative process.

Defining “Woman” or even “Goddess” by the steps of sexual maturity or the physical sexual characteristics of sexual development seems to be a disservice to women as the dynamic and unique beings that they are. Also in the current world of fluid gender identity, does it not seem necessary to have a place for women in the goddess that does not require genital characteristics as a form of placement in the spectrum of divinity.

I want to interject here that the reclaiming of women and their sexuality as inviolate  is not in any way a bad thing, but I do believe that there is more to women than their sex. What of the woman who has no desire to be a mother? What of the transgender woman who will never experience menses? Where is the place for them? Where in the three faced goddess do they get to see a divine reflection of themselves?

Why then cannot there be a face of the goddess that speaks to these women? A warrior, a poet, a dreamer and doer, where is a face of the Goddess for women who break with convention and stand for change? A woman is more than a sum total of parts deemed “woman” by biological processes.  Where in the face of the Goddess that is about what a woman does, not about what a woman is? Fierce and bright, strong, courageous and free, where is that face of the Goddess?

Prosperity

pros·per·i·ty

  [pro-sper-i-tee]  noun, plural pros·per·i·ties.

1.a successful, flourishing, or thriving condition; good fortune.

2. prosperities, prosperous circumstances.

Prosperity is a challenge in my life. Well at least the roof over my head, food on the table, not struggling to pay the bills kind of prosperity. But I have never seen prosperity as a purely monetary endeavor. Prosperity to me has always been about quality of life. A prosperous life is a life well lived.  Where you are engaged with the people around you and are enriched by your life experience.

I like the “flourishing or thriving condition” aspect of prosperity. Because it implies growth and growth is what prosperity has always been about for me. To be prosperous, to flourish, you need to be growing, to be pushing your boundaries and expanding your heart and mind.

Growth requires a certain amount of work.  I have always seen prosperity magic as a form of asking the universe for more options, for a few extra tools to tend your garden.  You still have to get out there, pull the weeds, water the plants, and harvest the fruit. But it becomes much easier when you have the correct tool for the job.  Prosperity magic is also about opening your eyes to opportunity.  When you are receptive to all the gifts the universe has to share, you are more inclined to strive for the things in life that help you grow.

A brief money talk, let’s get this in here since it is what most people first think of when they think of prosperity. Rains of golden coins, fat stacks of cash, however you want to envision it. But money is only a means to an end, not the end in and of itself.  That is the trap of money.  You think “If I only had ‘X’ amount more I would be happy, I could do what I want. “ Don’t fall into that trap, as I like to say often (probably too often) flip the script.

Why not, rather than think of what you could do if you had more, really appreciate the abundance you have. If you’re reading this you have internet access. This means there is a certain level of prosperity you already partake in.  It is also the simple law of attraction, like attracts like. When you believe that life is good, that life is a growing, thriving thing, you reflect that to the world. The world in turn reflects it back to you. Providing you the chances to not only grow yourself, but to share your growth and gifts with those around you. Furthering your growth, and continuing the process.

 "Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.”

“Replace wish with will, desire with intent.”  Kerr Cuhulain

I don't expect anything from you.

I am generally a pretty positive and upbeat person. You want to know why? I try my best to have no expectations. That doesn't mean I don’t have goals or that I don’t strive for excellence in what I do. It means that I make a conscious effort to take the world as it comes and make the best of it. Sure I have my off days, just like everyone, but I don’t let what I want define what is.

That to me is where you get in trouble. Expectation leads to entitlement. Entitlement leads to disappointment. Disappointment leads to bitterness. See how I got a little Yoda in there for you. When you don’t feel you are owed anything, when you don’t “expect better” of the world around you, you find that what you have, even if it is only a little, is pretty damned amazing.

I often have debates with my husband over people being assholes. I often say “You can’t fault people for acting to their nature.” Do you want the people around you to be good, loving people? Of course you do. Can you hold your expectations of them and your demands for their behavior against them? I don’t think so. If someone is in your life and is not the kind of person you want around, or is not worth the effort, let them go. All you do is poison yourself with your disappointment that they, “ weren't who you thought they were” when you continue to hold them to your expectations.

When I was a little boy I would always get incredibly wound up about some future event; vacation, my birthday, Christmas to name a few. I would be so full of anticipation, of expectation, that I would work myself into frenzy over all of the amazing things that I just knew were going to happen. Almost every time I was disappointed, not because the experience wasn't a good one. But because I had built up so much expectation of the event that I was devastated that it didn't live up to the fantasy I had built.

I find so much more joy in just being in the moment, without the imagined planning of what is to come. Of the conversations I’m going to have. Of the people who are going to just love me. They just may, but coming into the experience with that need, means you will leave it unfulfilled, because, honestly, your fantasy of how things will be will almost certainly be better than the reality.

My world view does not absolve me from trying to better the world. It doesn't absolve me from trying to be a good person.  In its way it makes me and only me responsible for my happiness, it makes me and only me responsible for making my world a better place. Rather than be free of obligation. I find that it makes me more obligated, not by the expectations of others around me, but by my own personal set of ethics.

Coming out gay/coming out pagan

I've done both, gay when I was 15, pagan about 5 years ago in a more dramatic fashion (never denied it). There were lessons from coming out as a gay man that in some way relate to coming out pagan. Here are the things I think are relevant to both.

1. Do it on your own terms, in your own time. This is the most important thing I can say. It’s your life, you have to live it. Don’t force it. When you’re ready you’ll know.

2. If you want a big dramatic statement. Make one, if you want a slow spread of information, do it. Be aware that both have their upsides and downsides.

3. Know that you’re going to spend the rest of your life coming out over and over again. This is a harsh truth, but a good one to be aware of.

4. If your friends/family distance themselves from you: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are people out there who will be your support, who will love you for exactly who you are, not who they try and demand you to be.

5. Be proud of who you are, but don’t hang your entire identity on one thing. Be well rounded. Besides being more healthy for you in the long run, having a variety of experiences and interests makes you sexy.

6. You define what being you means, don’t let stereotypes, the media, or other people’s expectations make you something you’re not.

Any others any of you would like to add please comment. I’m trying to compile a list of worth while information.

A Hug is a Commitment

When I was about 16-17 I had an experience, a life changing one, on a very small scale from the outside of things. For a little background: I was very tall and skinny and was very moody, easily afraid, and often had had my ass kicked. I was also one of the few openly gay people I knew in town.

I was walking in downtown Fort Collins to meet some friends at someplace I can’t recall at the moment. While I was walking a guy almost clips me while riding his bike and yells back at me: 
“Watch it FAGGOT”
My world goes red, I drop my back pack and start running after him, virtually frothing at the mouth and spewing obscenities. Completely intent on catching up to this asshole and beating him until there is nothing recognizably human left. 

One of the friends who I was walking to meet, steps out in front of me. It’s like running into a brick wall. For clarity he’s taller than I am and has about 100 pounds on me at that point in my life. He wraps his arms around me.

He doesn't let go.

I’m still screaming and swearing and trying my hardest to break his grip, but he’s got my hands pinned to my sides. My anger redirects from the cyclist to my friend. I start yelling at him, venting all my rage and anger at the world on him. Struggling desperately to break free. 

He doesn't let go. 

Eventually my anger fades and I start crying. No matter how many times I’m called a fag, or thrown in lockers, or hit or spit on. It still hurts. This deep well of pain comes bubbling up. My friend’s grip changes from one of restraint to one of comfort. 

And still he doesn't let go. 

The storm of emotions lasts about 10 minutes, he and I standing on the main drag of our town he’s holding me tight while I fall apart. Completely unselfconscious about holding the gay kid, the faggot, while he weeps for a broken life. I've never forgotten that moment. I have never stopped being grateful for him being strong for me when I wasn't. 

That’s what I mean when I say a hug is a commitment.

Life is good. Life is sexy. Remember that this is your chance, possibly your only chance to enjoy the pieces of the divine whole around you. Indulge your senses. Indulge your passions. But not blindly, oh no, with reverence in the gifts that you have been given, for how can you truly appreciate all these amazing things if you don’t take time and quiet to think and dream. 

There is darkness here also, there is pain. There is suffering. But these are like salt on caramel, the sharp sting that reminds you to enjoy this fleeting life. When you hurt, hurt. It’s ok; pain and sadness do not make you weak. They make you human. Turn to your brothers and sisters, family and friends, they will lift you up. They will hold you when the world becomes too much to bear. 

There is but one destination in this life, do not be in such a hurry to rush to it. Enjoy the now. Take a few minutes every day just to be. Sit in the sun and breathe, sit in the darkness and think. Sit at your altar and pray. Ground yourself in the moment. Things go by very fast and you don’t want let the storm of day to day minutia take you too far from yourself.

Most importantly: love. Love yourself first, for all other loves comes from this love. Love your family. Love your friends, your lovers, and partners. Love the people around you, even if you don’t know their names. Each is a piece of the divine whole. Love your enemy. Not only does this cause you to rise above the petty vindictiveness that guides too many, it releases you from the painful connection of hate. Love shapes the universe, it changes minds, and it opens hearts. It is the lens through which we define of all the things in life.